I was recently cleaning my windows and I was shocked to see the difference between the two in front of my kitchen sink when I was done cleaning the first one (image shown in the video below). It was amazing the clarity, detail, and beauty I could see through the now clear glass. It has made me reflect on all the times the ways I was looking at myself, another person, a situation, or my past may have been clouded and I didn't realize there was residue altering my ability to see the situation or person clearly. It has caused me to reflect on how my life has changed every time I've shifted my perspective or how I've remained stuck when I refused to change my perspective.

In this video, I discuss the relationship between these windows, reframing (shifting perspective), and trauma healing. I also read a section of my book, Reclaim Your Life After Trauma, where I discuss reframing and how it allows us to look at ourselves and circumstances through a different set of glasses.

One of...

Reframing is critical in healing from trauma. As I said in this interview, "If I'm going to live for decades more after my trauma, it's not useful to just think of how it destroyed me. It's not going to allow me to be successful in any aspect of my life. So I have to shift how I look at my experiences so that they don't hold me back."

Everything changed the moment I was able to start focusing on the gifts I've received from my trauma. Instead of focusing on all that I lost from my trauma, I focused on the strength, resiliency, and compassion I've gained, and it's not an overstatement to say that it transformed my life.

It's not useful for me to carry around the idea that my traumas only caused me pain and suffering. When I did, I was depressed, bulimic, promiscuous, and suicidal. But when I started focusing on what I've gained from my trauma, I was able to see a way out of my suffering.

I also said, "This is a very harsh world that we live in and none of us will escape its wrath. We...

When I focused on all that I lost and all that would no longer be because of my trauma, I suffered. I felt like I was stuck and that I would forever suffer because of my trauma. Nothing changed until I changed the meaning behind my suffering, until I changed my story. It’s the only thing I have control of now that my trauma is in the past. 

In this video, I talk about reframing, changing our perspective. We cannot change the fact we experienced our trauma, but we can change how we think about our trauma. Even though gaining positive coping mechanisms and setting goals for moving forward were important in my healing journey, I kept slipping back into old patterns whenever thoughts from my painful past reemerged. Everything changed the moment I decided to change how I thought about my trauma. 

I discuss how important listening to the stories of people who experienced immense suffering was in helping me break the negative thought patterns I had on repeat in my mind....